It is out of this newly liberated sarcasm that this blog post was born. It all started as just a random bit of Facebook status humor at the expense of Dan Boyle. But people had such a strong (and positive!) reaction to it that I continued tracking teams' and players' errors, blunders, and misfortunes through my FB status for the duration of the playoffs. And now I've put them all together in my own version of a playoff tribute that includes no inspirational music or uplifting images. Instead, you'll find good ol' fashioned sarcasm dripping from every post. Enjoy!
April 19th: If you think your Monday is going badly, just remember you could be Dan Boyle right now.
April 20th: If you think your Tuesday is going badly, just remember you could be Jaroslav Halak. Or Roberto Luongo.April 21st: If you think your Wednesday is going badly, just remember you could be ANY of the New Jersey Devils' many donut wranglers right now. Impending first round exits are the kind of sting that it takes dozens of Krispy Kremes to cure.
April 22nd: If you think your Thursday is going badly, just remember you could be Carey Price who for all intents and purposes can never show his face in Montreal again.
April 23rd: If you think your Friday is going badly, just remember you could be Craig Anderson. It's hard to oogle ice girls from the bench.
April 24th: If you think your Saturday is going badly, just remember you could be either one of the LA Kings' goalies.
April 25th: If you think your Sunday is going badly, just remember you could be Antti Niemi's dignity.
April 26th: If you think your Monday is going badly, just remember you could be the Kings. First round eliminations are never funny. Unless it's happening to Brodeur.
April 27th: If you think your Tuesday is going badly, just remember you could be Ryan Miller's porn stache. Why do the good ones always die young? So many facial hair styling questions will never be answered now!
April 28th: If you think your Wednesday is going badly, just remember you could be a Phoenix Coyote. No not the team. A real one like the one a fan was wearing ON HIS HEAD.
April 29th: If you think your Thursday is going badly, just remember you could be Bruce Boudreau's blood pressure medication. It was already in an uphill battle, but now I fear it may be futile.April 30th: If you think your Friday is going badly, just remember you could be Joe Thornton. No one's seen him in weeks!
May 2nd: If you think your Sunday is going badly, just remember you could be Antti Niemi. Being violated on TV? Bad. Getting pulled after giving up 5? Really bad.
May 3rd: If you think your Monday is going badly, just remember you could be Sidney Crosby's hockey stick. So young, so defenseless and now so broken, never to experience the joy of scoring a goal.
May 4th: If you think your Tuesday is going badly, just remember you could be Roberto Luongo. 1:30 from a 2-0 series lead just to see it all evaporate at the hands of...Verbeauty?
May 5th: If you think your Wednesday is going badly, just remember you could be Jaroslav Halak who, despite his Roy-esque game, came to the realization last night that he still plays for the Montreal Canadiens and should therefore expect to face 30+ shots a night while his team puts up 18.
May 6th: If you think your Thursday is going badly, just remember you could be Roberto Luongo. Sorry Wellwood, but pie does not, in fact, make everything ok.
May 7th: If you think your Friday is going badly, just remember you could anyone not nicknamed the Mule. But then again if your nickname is Mule and you're not Johan Franzen, odds are your Friday ain't too hot anyways.
May 8th: If you think your Saturday is going badly, just remember you could be Alain Vigneault. Throwing All-Star goalies under the bus is tiring, both mentally and physically.May 9th: If you think your Sunday is going badly, just remember you could be the NHL marketing staff. What do you do with 4 commercials worth of Pens-Wings "revenge is a dish best served cold" footage? Oh well, I guess it joins the ECF Crosby-Ovechkin showdown ads.
May 10th: If you think your Monday is going badly, just remember you could be Sami Salo's...errr...ummm well you could be Sami Salo. Yeah that pretty much says it all.May 11th: If you think your Tuesday is going badly, just remember you could be the Boston Bruins who have clearly caught a case of San Jose Sharksitis. Hopefully a cure will be discovered soon because the Flyers carry a whole other group of diseases.
May 12th: If you think your Wednesday is going badly, just remember you could be Bobby Lou who's probably looking for a bus to step in front of (you're in luck Bobby-your coach has had one picked out for days now). You also could be Sami Salo who's still looking for a golf cart with an extra padded seat.
May 13th: If you think your Thursday is going badly, just remember you could be a cop car in Montreal. After last night, they don't stand a chance.
May 15th: If you think your Saturday is going badly, just remember you could be the Boston Bruins. As the Thumb said "no excuses".
May 17th: If you think Monday is going badly, just remember you could be Jaroslav Halak. He has to spend the whole day in Philly! Oh yeah and he may have gotten pulled last night...May 19th: If you think your Wednesday is going badly, just remember you could be the Carolina Hurricanes' coaching staff. They must be kicking themselves for letting Leights go.
May 21st: If you think your Friday is going badly, just remember you could be Michael Leighton. Sorry Leights, but there are just some things you don't want 5 of. And goals against is most definitely one of them.May 22nd: If you think your Saturday is going badly, just remember you could be Evgeni "leaky as a sieve" Nabokov.
May 23rd: If you think your Sunday is going badly, just remember you could be the Montreal Canadiens. 1 SOG in 20 minutes of hockey. Yeah so about that tee time...
May 24th: If you think your Monday is going badly, just remember you could be Duncan Keith. Reporter: "Duncan, you just won the Conference Finals in 4 games! What are you going to do now?!" Duncan: "I'm going to the dentist!!!"
May 25th: If you think your Tuesday is going badly, just remember you could be Jaroslav Halak who must feel like you know what after giving up that first goal last night.May 30th: If you think your Sunday is going badly, just remember you could be the coaching staff for Philly OR Chicago. Because any time 11 goals are scored, you know the coaches went to bed with serious heartburn.
June 1st: If you think your Tuesday is going badly, just remember you could be Jeff Carter. To have to call Dan Carcillo a teammate is bad, but getting laid out by him on national TV has to be worse.
June 2nd: If you think your Wednesday is going badly, just remember you could be Aaron Voros's Twitter account. From the highest of all highs to the lowest of all lows.June 3rd: If you think your Thursday is going badly, just remember you could be Brian Boucher. To lose the starting job (AGAIN) is awful, but having to sit next to Dan Carcillo for the entire 3rd period and OT is almost too much to handle.
June 7th: If you think your Monday is going badly, just remember you could be Chris Pronger. You played like crap last night, didn't get to steal the game puck and 95% of the hockey watching world reveled in it.
June 11th: If you think your Thursday is going badly, just remember you could be my Facebook status. For the next 4 months, you're going to be dull, largely ignored and have nothing to do with hockey. Kinda like a certain hock...oh come on that's too easy. :) Congrats Chicago!
