'Tis the Season...for Christmas Ornaments!

It's no secret that Christmas does strange things to people. It makes them pull tacky sweaters out of the back of their closets, put them on and say "yeah that'll do." It causes them to wear antlers as headbands and actual jingle bells as earrings. People eat fruitcake and drink eggnog; two foods that probably would not exist without the joy of the holiday season. It even causes hockey teams to lip-synch to Mariah Carey, film it and put it on Youtube. It's going to be tough to top that display of Christmas cheer, let's be honest. But leave it to your Carolina Hurricanes to bring a little of their own holiday magic to Raleigh. The boys decided they needed to brighten up their locker room with some signs of the season all while engaging in some good ol' fashioned team bonding. So they cranked up Alvin and the Chipmunks on the iPod, broke out the candy canes and spent their most recent off-day decorating Christmas ornaments. (As a side note, we now likely know why the PP looks the way it does.) I was lucky enough to score an invite to this unique event (probably because I own a ridiculously large amount of craft supplies) and was awed at our team's artistic ability or, in some cases, the lack thereof. So here's a play by play of this wildly entertaining (and completely fake) afternoon of glitter, laughter and Christmas cheer. Enjoy.

Me: Thanks for asking me to be here this afternoon guys! As you can see I've brought lots of craft supplies, blank ornaments in a bunch of different colors and, upon request of the coaching staff, aprons and drop cloths to make sure everyone goes home nice and clean. Oh and safety scissors for Jeff-remember boys, if you're walking around, the scissors better be pointing down. You can put whatever you want on your ornament...as long as it's family friendly. If you have any questions or need any help, let me know! Have fun!

Cole: No Jeff, you need to hold your scissors like this. See? Jeff adjusts his scissors. There ya go little buddy. You got it. Cole pats Jeff on the head.

LaRose: So Tim, what are you going to put on your ornament? What color are you going to pick? Will you use the glitter glue? I love glitter glue. I also really like cookies. Did you have one of those cookies? I've had like 6.... Tim glares, picks up his ornament and moves to the other end of the table. Tim?! Where are you going? Chad shrugs, turns to Joe Corvo and begins talking incessantly.

Me: Joni...careful with the glitter, it comes out really quickly. No Joni...don't do that. You shouldn't...oh no. Joni holds up his ornament covered in globs of glitter and shrugs sheepishly.
Me: Is this the way you want to leave your ornament? Joni? Joni...look at me. No Joni, stop it. Chad! Stop distracting Joni! Joni-focus. Is this how you want to leave your ornament?

Joni: Oh yah.

Me: Ok go hang it on the tree. Joni wanders off, tongue sticking out, seemingly without a purpose.

Jeff raises his hand.

Me: Yes Jeff?

Jeff: Can I have another cookie? I've only had one and I ate all my veggies.

Me: Yes Jeff, go ahead.

Bodie walks up, ornament in hand. I'm done.
Me: What is on the snowman's face?

Bodie: It's his muzzy. Duh.

Me: Ooooookay then. Chad, last warning-stop distracting Joni.

Carter: (whispering to Samsonov) Is Chad always like this?

Samsonov: Yeah he is. The extra sugar doesn't help. Just be thankful you weren't at the Halloween party.

Carter: I heard about that. There was a Youtube video right? What were you again?

Samsonov: I was a Keebler elf.

Carter: Oh like what you're putting on your Christmas ornament.

Samsonov: looks offended No. This is a CHRISTMAS elf. There's a big difference. Keebler elves make cookies in a tree. Christmas elves make toys and help Santa in the North Pole.

Carter: Oh. Awkward silence ensues. Do you like my Christmas lights?

Sutter: Hey Juice, what's on your ornament?

Jokinen: Oh nothing much, just some of my favorite holiday carols.

Sutter: Ummm...Jussi, that's not a Christmas carol.

Jokinen: Maybe not. But it's very cheerful!

Sutter: nods Fershurr. Mine is a candy cane because...

Chad: I know! Because it's scrawny like you! Brandon throws a blank ornament at Chad. Chad throws a Christmas cookie at Brandon, but it hits Tim instead. Tim glares at them all. Chad runs squealing to the other side of the locker room.

Me: facepalm. How do the coaches do this every day?

Ian White's hair walks up to hand in his ornament. I like to keep things simple.

Me: warily eyes Ian's hair just in case something alive pops out I can see that Ian. It looks really nice.

Me: Ok guys, we are running out of time so if you aren't finished with your ornament you need to start wrapping it up. muttering under my breath Plus I have to get out of this looney bin.

Dwyer: Hey Corvs...what's that supposed to be?

Corvo: It's the Grinch. From the Dr. Seuss book. I always related to that character for some reason.

Dwyer eyes Corvo skeptically. Corvo: Not the mean Grinch of course. The one with the heart that's three sizes bigger. He felt things so deeply, with such realism. I can relate to that.

Dwyer scoots away from Corvo and leans towards Harrison. Do you hear Corvs? I think he's lost it! Hey can you pass me the red? I got to finish my bow.

Harrison: Nice wreath man.

Dwyer: It's not as good as your Christmas tree!

Harrison: Thanks. I like Christmas trees. They are so tall and fluffy. Dwyer edges away from table and towards the door.

McBain: I'm done! It's the Christmas McBain Train!!! WOOO WOOOO!!!! Remaining players wooo as well.
Me: And no more cookies for y'all. In fact, I think we're done with all the snacks.

Jingle. Jingle. Jingle. Jingle. Group looks around the room trying to find the source of the noise.

Me: what is that?

Chad: It's my ornament! It's a jingle bell! I love jingle bells. See? It makes noise when you shake it! Chad shakes jingle bell furiously.

Me: Alright, who's driving Chad home? Tim reluctantly raises his hand. Good luck Tim. I like your ornament, by the way. Tim grunts and pulls Chad out of the room.

Cam has since placed his ornament on the tree and is stopping everyone from putting theirs up near it.
Me: Cam, is this your family? Cam nods and blocks Erik Cole's ornament.
Cole: Come on Wardo. You can't cover the entire tree.

Cam: Try me. I'm in the zone. I've got great lateral movement and take away time and space. Ask Tripper. Cole sighs and walks to the other side of the tree.

Tlusty hands me his ornament. Ummm...Jiri....is your ornament...a Christmas...package?

Tlusty: Yup. Jiri walks away. I giggle.

Ruutu looks at Peters' ornament. Wow. Petey, that's impressive. How did you do that?

Peters looks down. Well I've had a lot of free time lately so I took up art lessons. Mo thought it was a good idea since he said I should play when he found a really sharp tie or Tommy Rowe grew hair again, whichever came first. Not really sure that was as encouraging as he meant it to be. Ruutu pats Peters on the shoulder.

Ruutu: It'll be alright Justin. If you feel down, just sing Rudolph!

I walk around the tree and trip on Eric Staal who's sitting on the ground. Eric, what are you doing on the floor?

Staal: I can't get my ornament to hang on the top of the tree.

Me: That's because your "ornament" is your gold medal. It can't be the tree topper.

Staal: Why not?

Me: Because it's not an angel. The angel goes on the top of the tree.

Staal pouts for a minute...or 20 before handing me a different ornament. Can this go near the top at least?

Me: Fine.
Me: Alright that's it! Good job everyo...feels tug on my sleeve. Oh Jeff! We almost forgot your ornament. What did you create?

Cole lifts Jeff up so he can place his angel on the top of the tree. The group stands back in awe. I hurry towards the door to escape.

Stay tuned for a very special letter to Santa, Christmas cards to the 'Canes and that team picture with Santa you've heard so much about.