Carolina Hurricanes' Awards: Like the Oscars, But Less Ryan Seacrest

(auditorium is completely dark except for the light from a playing video)





(voiceover) Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your hosts, presenters and possibly the only people from the team in attendance tonight: TV voice of the Carolina Hurricanes, John Forslund and…Tripp Tracy? (mumbling and loud whispering) This is going to be a disaster.

(John makes his way to the center of the stage with Tripp eagerly trotting behind him) 

Forslund: Welcome everyone! (Tripp waves at the crowd) We’re so glad to be here tonight…it’s a real privilege to be the hosts of the 2010-2011 Carolina Hurricanes’ Awards Ceremony, right Tripp? (Tripp nods vigorously, John gives him an odd look) Tripp you’re awfully quiet tonight, what’s going on?

Tripp: Well John, I heard about this game called (Tripp makes air quotes) Tripp Tracy Bingo and I want to refrain from making food references; talking about Eric Staal or Cam Ward; mentioning players’ families, friends, wives, girlfriends, and pets; saying the words huge, consequence, watershed, groin, sauna, hot tub or time and space. And I certainly don’t want to mention that I used to be a netminder. 

(Audience member jumps up) BINGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rest of audience: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

(photo appears on screen behind John and Tripp; screaming comes from the audience)

It's a prize no one wants to win, but everyone wants to give.

Forslund (looks behind him, jumps): Holy…Gretzky. Ummm…please everyone just remain calm! We will fix this momentarily. 

(A different photo appears behind John and Tripp)

Audience: AWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Forslund: (exhales) Alright everyone, let’s just move along and get down to business.  We’re here this evening to honor the best and brightest (and occasionally the most embarrassing) moments of the Hurricanes’ season. And what a year it was!  From starting the season in Helsinki (no need to mention that little pit stop in Old Mother Russia) to the All-Star Game, this season has been filled with memory-making moments for Caniacs!

Tripp: That’s right Johnny! All of these experiences were great for fans, but the team enjoyed them just as much.  It all started with a great trip overseas and a visit to Sauna Island…

(Tripp’s mic cuts out; camera swings to other side of stage where Chuck Kaiton stands looking nervous)

Kaiton: Thatwasquitetheintroductionrightfolks? (nervous laughter from the audience) There’ssomethingthrillingaboutbeingabletowitnessandcalleveryoneoftheCarolinaHurricanes’goalsthisseason. Somanyhavestoodoutasgreatorimportantorpretty. Butonestoodoutamongallofthe235otherones. Itgivesmegreatpleasuretopresentthe2010-2011bestgoalawardto...

(Chuck opens the envelope)

Kaiton: Uhhhh...JeffSkinnerforhisoutstandingshotagainstHenrikLundqvistoftheNewYorkRangers

(Audience begins to applaud; Chuck holds up his hand to stop them)

Kaiton: andJeffSkinnerfor hisequallyoutstandingshootoutgoalagainstNiklasBackstromoftheMinnesotaWild.

(highlights play on video screen behind Chuck; crowd goes crazy)


(camera swings to other side of stage where John stands at a microphone) 
John: I've had the privilege of watching some outstanding moments during my time with this team. I've watched them slay playoff giants, pick each other up in the hardest of times and, of course, win it all in 2006. (crowd roars) All of these moments have been emotional; every season has its heartwarming, tearjerking, heart-string pulling moments and this year was no exception.  I'm here to present the award for the most emotional moment of the season.  This year's nominees are two moments that, while seemingly very different, are actually very alike. First we have Cam Ward's post-game interview from a game against Boston in November.  It was one like any other, the Canes' won the game behind a shutout from their goaltender who had become a father for the first time only days earlier.



(Audience members are shown dabbing their eyes with tissues)

Forslund: Our next nominee was a moment meant to honor a man who, during his time as a member of the Carolina Hurricanes, gave all of himself every time he took the ice.  On a night in February, we honored Rod Brind'Amour's exceptional NHL career and there was not a dry eye in the house.

(Tripp is shown openly weeping backstage)

And the award goes to... (John opens the envelope) Rod Brind'Amour night!

(crowd greets this news with a standing ovation)


(voiceover) At a ceremony earlier this evening, the awards for best goal reaction captured on film and best dressed NHL coach were presented.  Please take a moment to honor this photo for perfectly capturing the pure joy that comes with scoring a big goal:

Also please acknowledge Tommy Barrasso's extraordinary style while working the bench:

(crowd applauds politely. Camera catches Tripp pointing at the photo and giggling.)


Forslund: What's so funny Tripp?

Tripp: Look at Skinner's face!

Forslund (looks and smiles) Yes that young man does make an odd face or two.  In fact, during his rookie season, he's made enough funny faces that we've added a new award, the Funniest Skinner Face award.

Tripp: That's right! There were a lot of nominees this year. I mean a lot. More nominees than members of the Harvard men's hockey team. More than windows in Eric's house. More than... (John cuts in)


Forslund: Ok Tripp. Why don't we announce the winner? This year's Funniest Skinner Face is this beauty from warm-ups against the Tampa Bay Lightning.

Forslund: That kid brought a lot of life to this team didn't he? I'm not sure there's anything he can't do.

Tripp: What about fight Johnny?

Forslund: You know Tripp, I don't think we ever saw him really drop the gloves this season and we had a few guys that did with frequency.

Tripp: That we did.  There's no shortage of guys on this team ready to drop the gloves for a teammate...some are just more successful than others and the next two awards reflect that.  First up, the award for best fighter.  Michigan native Tim Gleason has won this award in the past, but this year a new player took on the roll of Rocky for the team. (The words "Hollywood Reference" flash on the screen behind Tripp; audience members search their cards for the right square.) The award for Best Fighter goes to Troy Bodie this year!

"I whip my hair back and forth."

Forslund: Just so everyone is aware, to be eligible for this next award, a player has to still be a part of the team which means, unfortunately, Tom Kostopoulos was out of the running this year.  But, lucky for us a new player stepped up to gamely drop the gloves and end up dazed and confused

Tripp: Oh hey! That's a Hollywood reference Johnny!

(audience members scan their cards for a "Tripp references a Hollywood reference" square)


Forslund: Yes Tripp, I suppose it is.  (John mouths "HELP ME" at the camera) Anyways, this year's worst fighter award goes to Brandon Sutter for this...scrap? tussle? hissy fight? against Eric Brewer.



Forslund: (snickers) Wowza. That kid just should not fight.  It's not one of his talents.

Tripp: No John it's not.  Not everyone is a born fighter and you just can't teach that innate ability. You know what else you can't teach?

Forslund: (sighs) What Tripp?

Tripp: You just can't teach... (audience inhales sharply, pens are poised over bingo cards) the ability to grow a mustache.  (Audience groans in disappointment) 


Forslund: No I suppose you can't...your 2010-2011 Best Mustache winner is Brandon Sutter's SutterStache.

"If you think I'm sexy..."

(voiceover) Ladies and gentlemen, please stay in your seats during this brief commercial break.



(John stands on stage looking solemn) 


Forslund: Unfortunately, Tripp isn't going to be able to join me for this particular award presentation. However, we are very lucky to have a guest presenter for this category who has special insight into the criteria to win this award. Joining me in presenting the award for Best Bromance is....Eric Staal.

(Eric Staal does, in fact, walk onto the stage and is greeted by much applause from the audience. Eric gives a glance over his shoulder and nervously whispers to John.)


Staal: He's not coming out here right? I just present this award and can leave? (John nods, Staal turns to the camera. He's clearly uncomfortable and reads robotically. He keeps glancing over his shoulder.) I have had many great friends while on this team.  They have been fun and we've been very close.  Some may even call these friendships bromances.

Forslund: This year's nominees for Best Bromance are:

Joe Corvo and Erik Cole

Jeff Skinner and Erik Cole

Brandon Sutter and Chad LaRose

Erik Cole and Tim Gleason 

Chad LaRose and Tim Gleason

Staal (still glancing over his shoulder): Wow. That's a lot of great nominees, but only one bromance can win. And the winner is (opens envelope) Jeff Skinner and Erik Cole! 

(Staal vaults off the stage and runs out the back door just as Tripp comes back on stage.)

Tripp: What was all the commotion about? 

Forslund: Nothing Tripp let's move on to the next award.  As broadcasters, we both know that sometimes post-game quotes are tough to get so when we get a really good one from a player, it's refreshing.  In the past players like Tim Gleason and Manny Legace have given us great soundbites.  This year's winner comes from the land of Suomi and reindeer.  Tuomo Ruutu wins this category with his post-game quote from a game against the Washington Capitals. 

There were some plays that we weren't so happy about, you know, hate to start bitching...

Tripp: That Tuomo always knows exactly what to say. It's a gift I tell you. I wish I had it...

Forslund: I do too Tripp. Trust me, I do too.

Tripp: (looks puzzled, but shrugs it off) You know it gives me great pleasure to introduce a very special guest presenter for this next award. Being a former netminder myself...oh shoot. I wasn't supposed to mention that.

Forslund: Please welcome Tom Barrasso!

Barrasso: (comes to the microphone) Thank you for having me here today.  As Vladislav Tretiak once said, "there is no position in sport as noble as goaltending." A goaltender is the last line of defense, the last thing that stands between a win or a loss for his teammates.  Oftentimes, the goaltender is the make or break position and when they stand on their head to make a save, fans get on their feet in appreciation.  Carolina's goaltenders made a lot of great saves this season, but this one from Cam Ward stands out above the rest and fans recognized this.



(A Ward-o chant starts in the audience; Forslund comes back on stage)


Forslund: Thank you Tommy! What a great save from Cam right ladies and gentlemen?  He was a star this year for the Hurricanes, but fans have come to expect nothing less.  This next award honors a player that Canes' fans weren't as familiar with. The Brightest Star award is given to the player who is deemed to have the brightest future with the team.  Last year's winner Jamie McBain is here to present this award.

(Jamie comes to the microphone)


McBain: Thank you John.  It was a great honor to win the Brightest Star award last year and I know this next player views it the same way.  With 63 points, an All-Star bid and an outstanding rookie year, Jeff Skinner's future is so bright we all need shades.  (Jamie puts on a pair of sunglasses; crowd giggles)

Forslund: Let's give Jamie another round of applause for being here this evening! Great kid. (Jamie waves to crowd) Jeff Skinner defied all expectations because no one really had any expectations for him.  This next award honors a player who overcame a difficult go of it last year and wowed us with a complete turnaround this season.  Both Jay Harrison and Erik Cole really impressed this year, but the Best Comeback award goes to Erik Cole, who played what is possibly the best hockey of his career.  Congratulations Erik! 

Forslund: This next award may very well be my favorite of the night.  I have the...I am luck...I get to work with Tripp Tracy on a regular basis and he's always giving us great player interactions.  The Best Tripp Tracy Moment award highlights a moment that made us all laugh, especially me.  Your winner is Joe Corvo's "you're just a fountain of useless knowledge Tripp" comment.  (John chuckles) Oh that gets me every time.  (John continues to chuckle as he walks off stage)

(voiceover) Coming up after the break: Best Shift, the Toughest Player Award, Fan Favorite, Best Hit and Team MVP!



(Tripp and John stand at center stage) 


Tripp: I can't believe the night is almost over John! It doesn't even feel like it's lasted as long as a hockey shift!

Forslund: Funny you mention a hockey shift Tripp because the very next award we're giving out is the Best Shift award.  This year's winner has already picked up a lot of hardware this evening, but it's hard to deny that this shift from Jeff Skinner isn't one of the best of the season.



Tripp: Wow. That's a huge effort! (audience members make a mark on their bingo cards)


Forslund: Agreed Tripp. That kid became an instant star in Raleigh. His teammates love him and so do his fans.  In fact, they love him so much that they've voted him as this year's Fan Favorite.

Look at that grin! It's not a surprise that someone who smiles as much as this kid won this year. After all, last year's winner was the equally smiley Tuomo Ruutu.

Tripp: Speaking of Tuomo, he had an impressive year didn't he Johnny? His 309 hits put him in second place for the entire league! That's amazing!

Forslund: Exactly, he's had Caniacs Ruuing quite a bit this year.  Of course there has to be one hit that stands out among the rest and this hit from a March 1st game against the Florida Panthers seems to do just that.

Tripp: Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! Sorry I've always wanted to do that.  

Forslund: It'd be tough not to want to do that Tripp...almost as tough as dethroning this player from his title as Toughest Player. Tim Gleason has won this award every year so far and this year is no exception.  His teammates voted him the winner of the 2010-2011 Steve Chiasson Award and he's been a strong leader all year long. Congratulations Tim! 

(crowd looks a little intimidated by the ferocity of the Tim Gleason photo shown on the screen behind John and Tripp)


Forslund: Well this is it folks. We've arrived at the last award of the night: Team MVP.  Who's contributions were so significant that he can be singled out and looked at as most valuable? Will it be the 18 year old rookie who dazzled with his maturity and goal scoring ability? Will it be the veteran goaltender that singlehandedly kept his team in games with brilliant stop after brilliant stop? Or will it be one of the last holdovers from the '06 Cup team whose comeback bid and signature offensive move kept opponents guessing this season?  May I have the envelope please?  (Tripp hands John the envelope; John opens it as Tripp tries to peek at the results)


Forslund: Your 2010-2011 Team MVP is none other than...Cam Ward! (Tripp claps his hands in glee) He truly has had an exceptional year which is something that really doesn't surprise Canes' fans who saw him in action during the Cup run.  (video starts to play behind John and Tripp)

Forslund: History found us a hero indeed. Thank you everyone for joining us this evening as we looked back at a great hockey season in Raleigh. On behalf of myself, Tripp and all of the presenters tonight, I hope you enjoyed the show and we'll see you next year!

(audience cheers, a few people quietly remark to their neighbors that they had bingo.  This is met with a lot of shushing as the camera pulls away and the show ends)

Saying Goodbye to a Dear Friend-The Sutterstache Eulogy

Ladies and gentlemen (and Chad), we are gathered here today not to mourn a life lost, but rather to celebrate a life lived. For how can you not celebrate a life as spectacular as the one lived by the Sutterstache? During its all-too brief time with us, it made us laugh...at its absurdity. It made us cry...as we laughed at its absurdity. It brightened our day and haunted our dreams. It brought joy to few and nightmares to many. And now, today, we lay it to rest as its very essence is transported to what we can only imagine is a place filled with mustache cups, tiny combs and those mini hair trimmers that keep everything neat and tidy.

The Sutterstache started like all of us do, small and seemingly unable to survive in this crazy world. But throughout its 31 day lifespan, it blossomed to something no one ever expected. It grew before our eyes; going from dust to fuzz to shadow to fluff and then to something resembling a caterpillar before finally reaching the stage that can only be described as looking like an eyebrow that got stuck on a one-way trip to the chin. That's right folks, before we knew it, the little 'stache that shouldn't was all grown up and ready for an appearance in a cheap motel room with a heart-shaped Magic Fingers bed.

It was so magnificent, so astounding and so profoundly disturbing that it generated its own Twitter hash-tag and a descriptive emoticon. People from Raleigh to Durham to Chapel Hill were mesmerized by it like bugs are by illuminated light bulbs. Cameras suddenly took on a life of their own and snapped its likeness over and over again. For 31 glorious days, we were all mustache fans; the number of people here today is a testament to that.

You see, if nothing else, the Sutterstache will be remembered for uniting us under one facial hair style. It brought us together as we anxiously scanned the horizon for a white windowless van. It bonded us as we wondered how many hockey-related double entendres and adult film jokes we could make at one time. Not to mention the fact that it may have singlehandedly rejuvenated the market for velour track suits and gold chains which I think we can all admit is a look we've really wanted to see make a comeback. Given enough time, I'm not entirely sure that solving the oil crisis and creating peace in the Middle East would have been outside the realm of possibility.

But perhaps the most startling gift the Sutterstache gave us all was the way it transformed the owner of its host lip. Seemingly overnight the mild mannered Lady Byng candidate became a penalty-taking, F-bomb dropping, ref back talking, fighting ball of hate. As the Sutterstache filled in, this attitude grew and now as we lay the Sutterstache to rest, we're left wondering if we must also bid farewell to this new persona. But much like the question of how long our grief will last, only time will allow us to resolve this final concern. Be patient, my friends, because every day will get easier.

On behalf of all Sutterstache's friends and family, I'd like to thank you for coming this evening to say goodbye to a dear, dear friend. Upon the request of the Sutterstache prior to its timel...errr...untimely demise, a brief memorial video has been put together that will close our service today. As you come forward to pay your final respects, please feel free to leave a special message for Sutterstache in the sink bowl to your right.

No Treats, Just Tricks

It's rare that we get a glimpse into the inner workings of a hockey team. It's rarer still that we see the inner workings of a hockey team's social life. But that's what we're all about here at the Hurricane Siren-breaking boundaries and taking you where no fan has gone before. And when we can't do that, we just make stuff up. Luckily though, we didn't have to resort to lies and Photoshop to bring you scenes from the Carolina Hurricanes' 2010 Halloween Costume Extravaganza! (Ed. Note: We resorted to lies and Photoshop to bring you these scenes from the Carolina Hurricanes' 2010 Halloween Costume Extravaganza.)

The costumes were both impressive and scary. Some were frighteningly accurate and others made you wonder just what the player was thinking (and how much alcohol was coursing through his bloodstream while he was thinking). But you don't want to hear my recap of the evening when you could see some of the night's best moments! So without further ado, let's roll the tape.



As you can see, a great time was had by all, including some unexpected guests (bonus points if you leave the name of the party crasher and the scenes in which he appears in the comments). The group did the Monster Mash and the Time Warp. I even believe that I saw a few players who shall remain nameless break out into the Thriller dance. They ate ghost-shaped cookies, drank Ghoul-aid and chowed down on candy corn (no, I can neither deny nor confirm that Chad had to be sedated before they could get him into the car to go home). Tripp told both wildly inappropriate and completely unfunny Halloween-themed jokes while the band took a break. There was even a pumpkin-carving contest!

But, the best part of the evening may have been the costume parade and contest where everyone brought their best catwalk skills in order to take home the completely nonexistent trophy shaped like a pumpkin. It was a tight contest with the judges having to make a very tough decision. Honorable mention went to Zac Dalpe, Drayson Bowman and Justin Peters for their interpretation of Snap, Crackle and Pop. They almost took it home, especially when the judges realized that they carried a giant cereal bowl around all night long, but ultimately the imaginary trophy was won by our very own Stormy the Icehog. His dedication to his costume (including the false eyelashes and lipstick) really helped him edge out the competition. He definitely went whole hog (so to speak) with his costume and I'm sure he will forever keep that fake trophy on his mantle...or whatever the Icehog equivalent of that is.

It was certainly a Halloween to remember (and one some of us may wish to forget). Happy Halloween Caniacs!

Airing Fantasy Hockey Frustrations Part 1-Meet the Team

The title is a bit of a misnomer since the fantasy hockey season hasn't started yet and I didn't draft anyone that was already on the IR or currently on waivers, but I can guarantee you at some point this season I will want to tear into a team not named the Carolina Hurricanes. Trust me, if half of your team is on the IR and you're sitting in dead last waiting for someone (ANYONE) to find their scoring touch, you'd lapse into a pithy diatribe too.

But for now, it's all about fresh starts and a great 2010-2011 season. Oh and a little trash talking to boot. So without further ado, I am pleased to present my 2010-2011 team, Sutterly Camtastic (don't lie, you know that's cute).

Let's start with an ode to the offense and meet our forwards.

We have: Peter Mueller, Michael Cammalleri, Mason Raymond, Dustin Brown, Radim Vrbata, Ryan Callahan, TJ Oshie, Patrick Kane, Brandon Sutter, and Mike Fisher.

They are projected to tally over 500 points combined so that's not too shabby; especially when you consider my blueline isn't exactly going to collect Norris nominations like Halloween candy (more on that later). I had Sutter, Raymond and Fisher last season so I sort of know what I am getting there, but the rest, including Vrbata's very far set eyes, (don't believe me? Google him) are a mystery to me. They are even moreso "unknowns" when you consider 6 out of the 10 are from the Western Conference which is almost a complete reversal from last season's Eastern Conference-palooza.

I had a chance to draft Captain Serious but went with the Magical Mullet instead if only to make mouthguard jokes later in the season. Because that's how I draft-which player is going to give me the best return in terms of "I can't stand you" jokes. And based on how much I like you; yeah that plays a big role. Speaking of which...if you thought for a second that I was going to pass on drafting Sutter (and his brand spanking new "A") despite the fact he was ranked in the high 400s, you're crazy. In fact, it took every ounce of strength I had to wait until the 10th round!

As an aside, do you have any idea how difficult it is to find a picture of Mike Fisher actually PLAYING hockey on Google images now? I think I went through 5 or 6 pages of results before I found one that didn't have his (much) better half in it.

So the offense isn't atrocious, but what about the defense? Who's going to patrol my fake blueline and protect my imaginary goalie? Let's take a gander at the few, the proud, the D core.


This group is clearly headlined by Calder Trophy winner Tyler Myers (another holdover from last season). I'm expecting big things from him; like REALLY big things. The rest of the group is ok...Brian Campbell, Shea Weber, rookie sensation in the making PK Subban and Niklas Hjalmarsson (yeah he needs a nickname ASAP because there is no way I'm going to be able to spell that ever again). I had some major issues drafting D this season, losing Duncan Keith and Jamie McBain to opponents. Then I just couldn't get past my dislike of the guy and passed on Chris Pronger which of course means he'll set new records for points from a D-man this season. :Sigh: We'll see. Hopefully Chicago puts up a lot of goals from the blueline this season.

Finally, we come to arguably the most important position...goaltending. This area KILLED me last season; I will forever maintain that it cost me the championship. So this year I wasn't going to wait until the 4th or 5th round to draft a goalie. I had my eyes set on Ryan Miller and when I saw I had the 6th pick, figured I had a pretty good shot of getting him. But you know what they say about the best laid plans...

I know what you're thinking. Yes that is Marty Brodeur there in the middle. Yes the same Brodeur that I make fun of mercilessly. Yes the one I call fat and said cries tears of donut glaze. But I couldn't have a repeat of last season! I needed a legit goalie badly. And as much as I like making fun of him, he is a legit goalie and I took him in the first round.

I know that I've probably angered the hockey gods with my many Brodeur-Fat Jokes and that they will delight in unleashing their fury upon me, but I am making this promise in an attempt at reconcilliation:

Oh dear merciful hockey gods, I do solemnly swear that I will no longer mock, tease or belittle one Martin Brodeur if you allow him to be a brick wall for my fantasy team this year. I will show him the respect he deserves.

Phew I hope that works. Now in addition to donut hole...oh crap...uhhhh I mean in addition to the honorable donut hole I snagged Jaroslav Halak in the third round. Then I had a flashback to the horror that was my GAA last season, decided I needed a THIRD goalie and grabbed Scott Clemmensen in the 17th round. Frankly, I doubt the guy ever touches virtual ice, but maybe I can work him into a trade later. Or leave him to languish on the "bench" which, let's be honest, he's pretty used to doing.

So there you have it: the good, the bad and the ugly. It's bound to be an interesting (and humor filled) fantasy hockey season to say the least.

We like you! We really like you!

Break out the tuxes gentlemen! Write your acceptance speeches! We are giving out awards here at the Siren to the best and the worst of the Carolina Hurricanes!

Ok so this is a little low rent and there won't be any actual trophies given away, not even the mini ones the NHL gives out. And we certainly aren't lucky enough to have Chaka Khan or Robin Thicke entertain us, but we did manage to convince (read blackmailed) Kris Versteeg to sing Fergie!

:wipes away a tear of laughter: No one tell him this is the Hurricanes' awards ceremony ok? I'd hate to clean up the green room after he realizes what just happened.

Let's get started shall we? The first award tonight is in the Best Post-Game Quotes category. This award is given to the player or coach who best exemplifies humility, humor and self-deprecation to the point of hilarity during a post-game media scrum. Previous winners include Tim Gleason and well...Tim Gleason. This year, however, we are pleased to announce that Manny Legace takes the hardware back to the Shire. Quotes like: "oh yeah I got hit right in the love pillows" and "Well, when you're five foot nothing, you have to use all of your assests" made him the clear favorite from the moment he stepped foot on NC soil. Congratulations Manny!

The Toughest Player award is given to the player that is well...the toughest (sometimes a donkey is just a donkey people). We've been witness to some remarkable moments of strength this season, but one night in Washington, D.C. will always stand out to Hurricanes' fans.

Tim Gleason, we salute you and are proud to give you the Toughest Player award!

Sometimes things happen to force fate's hand. Perhaps we would have added this award anyway, but it'd be hard to argue that the winner didn't help things along. So without further ado, I present the award for Best Facial Expression. The winner showed a dedication and determination to strange and awkward facial expressions, but Eric Staal's baby bird face from the Olympics sealed the deal for him:

Without a goalie where would any hockey team be? This award salutes those few men crazy enough to strap on a pillow and block 100 mph shots with their bodies. The award for Best Save has previously been won by Michael Leighton and Cam Ward. I am pleased to announce that our Campion Wardolie is a repeat winner this year for this Camtastic save on Billy Guerin:

Honorable mention goes to this pinwheel save on Brian Gionta.

Speaking of netminders, it's time to present quite possibly the most frightening award of the evening. The Best Tripp Tracy Moment category always has great entries and this year was no exception. In fact it was so full of Tripp awesomeness that we almost had to name two winners, but after some careful thought and consideration of all that is Tripp we are pleased to announce that Tripp and Zach Boychuk's intermission exchange during a game against Pittsburgh wins the category.

Tripp: Having been selected 15th in the entry draft...
Zach: 14th Tripp.
Tripp: Blah blah blah
Zach: It was 14th Tripp.
Tripp: Err ummm what? Oh yes, 14th.

Thank you for that moment young Zach. I sense that many more great Tripp Tracy interactions are ahead of you. Godspeed Zach.

The Best New Regular award is for the player we can no longer imagine our team without. This player can come to us through trade or as a call-up from the AHL. This year, it was the latter. When you are called "the defining player in our lineup" by your coach, wear the A, and basically become the top defensive forward all while racking up only 2 PIMs at 21 years old, you've pretty much locked this award up. Congratulations to Brandon Sutter for his outstanding season!

The next award is the highly coveted Best Goal award presented to the player whose moment of offensive brillance left us breathless and left the opposing goalie sputtering in disbelief. We've had some really great goals this season, but there is one that stands out above all the rest. Please congratulate Chad LaRose on his mid-air goal against the Montreal Canadiens.

You have a gift my little friend.

You can't score a goal without a little help from your friends and sometimes those assists are prettier than the actual goal. The Best Assist category is intended for just those moments. This year's winner showed that you don't have to be 22 years old to have sick moves.

Yeah Brandon. WOW is right. Rock on little mighty mite.

We were lucky enough to get a glimpse of the future of the Carolina Hurricanes and let me say that the future is so bright we're going to need shades. And with that really corny intro, I am pleased to announce the winner of the Brightest Future award is....Jamie McBain. The 22 year old Minnesota born D-man definitely made a lasting impression on fans around the league with his defensive poise and offensive abilities. He is going to be pleasure to watch for a long time.

For some reason hockey and fighting go hand in hand. There's nothing like a good fight to bring a crowd back to life or swing the momentum in a game. It's for this reason that we present the Best Fighter award every year. Previous winners have pretty much only ever been Tim Gleason. And this year is no exception. Check out this beauty:

Our final two awards are perhaps the most highly anticipated thing since Martin Brodeur's post game extra large pizza. :pause for ripples of awkward laughter:

Alrighty then...the Fan Favorite award goes to the player whose personality off the ice and play on the ice inspires fans to chant his name, buy his jersey and support him at all times. There was really only ever going to be one nominee for this award, but like the Edmonton Oilers, we still had to go through the motions of the entire season. Please join me in congratulating Tuomo Ruutu for his efforts this season!!! The smiley Finn always managed to put on a brave face for the media and fans, but really even if he wasn't smiling, listening to him speak made us smile. His refusal to give anything less than 100% inspired his teammates and his fans. The RBC Center has been Ruu-ing since he arrived in Raleigh and we don't want to stop anytime soon.

Last, but certainly not least, is the Team MVP award which goes to a player who has been deemed to make the most significant contributions to his team. Past winners have included Cam Ward and Ray Whitney. This year, a first time nominee is bringing home the honor. I am pleased to announce that our winner, with a career high 65 points and an unmatched ability to mesh with anyone and everyone, is Jussi Jokinen!!!!
That does it for the ceremony and like all of the best awards shows, we only ran 45 minutes late and had just 2 awkward moments. Congratulations to all winners this evening and remember that while only some of you are leaving with imaginary trophies, there really are no losers here. Well except for A.Ward who is probably still waiting for his invitation to come in the mail. Ok so make that three awkward moments.

Carolina Drizzles Drop Another One

Well if there's one thing you can say about this team, it's that they're consistent. Unfortunately, it's consistently sucktastic and today was no exception. The addition of Binky and Ruu didn't help one iota. Not even Ray Whitney's 1000th game ceremony could cure them of being...well crappy. From top to bottom, they were outplayed, outworked and outhearted. And even the most diehard fans are left once again searching for a reason to cheer-something that should be clearly evident to management as there were almost as many empty seats as there were fans in the arena.

After a relatively decent 1st period (meaning they didn't give up 3 goals, pee themselves during the national anthem or hurt themselves coming over the boards), they just fell apart-physically, mentally, and emotionally (or maybe that was just me). But, in a continued effort to be positive, I will start with a few good things.

Good thing #1-BRANDON SUTTER. Period. Can we make him the first through third stars of the game? Heck why not throw captain and coach in there too? He continues to be the bright spot for all fans, especially this one, as he notched his second goal in as many games. For the record, he's tied for 5th on the team for goals scored behind only Cullen, Whitney, Staal and the Juice. Oh and he's only played 4 games. Yeah somehow I think he'll be around for a while. He has quite literally carried the offensive load for this team on his skinny little shoulders and frankly is the real deal. Hey Mo-here's a hint, don't wait until you're down by 2 before you move the best guy on the ice up a line. And yes, it was necessary to have two photos of his goal celebration mainly to make up for not having one yesterday. :)

Now-as for the rest of you. What in the name of god are you doing out there?!!! You're getting outplayed by a 20 year old kid who weighs 12.5 pounds. Man up all of you. Corvo, do us all a favor and either play like you want to be here or don't play at all. I'm firmly convinced A.Ward was sent here by the Bruins to enact revenge. Why else would he suddenly be SO bad and bring Yelle with him? Stop sucking A.Ward or I will totally let Scotty punch you again.

Cam. Dude. You know I love you right? Probably more than is normal for a strict goalie-fan relationship, but still, you have to know that you can practically do no wrong in my eyes. Well, you did wrong today. 5 goals worth of wrong, in fact. It's getting harder and harder to defend you especially when you don't stop ANYTHING glove side high. What is wrong with you? You aren't a new dad so you can't use that excuse. Where is the Cam from the second half of last season? I miss him. I want...nay I DEMAND him back. You've left me no choice, I had to take your Conn Smythe Trophy away. And you are now facing the wall with E.Staal sans stick. I will make you a dunce cap, don't push me Cam.

Speaking of dunce caps, Eric "I'm a pouter" Staal left the game with an upper body injury (maybe he went to see the Wizard of Oz for a heart-yeah low blow I know) and didn't return for the third period. At the risk of sounding harsh and unfeeling, my initial reaction was "so what?" Honestly, the team didn't look any different without him and there was some extra room on the bench so the guys could get good and comfy. I'd wish him a quick recovery, but chances are he'll play the next game, at less than 100% and be completely useless to us. So basically the norm.

I've had enough of the "the confidence just isn't there" and the ever present "we're getting better" baloney you feed us after the games. No more-I'm not buying it. It would be one thing if you were trying hard and the other teams were just better. But that's not the case; instead you're making the other teams better by not working hard. This isn't a systems issue or a confidence issue or even lucky bounce issue. It's a work ethic issue and it needs to be fixed now. If that means skating until you puke, then lace 'em up and pull out the buckets. If it takes trades to light a fire under your collective hiney, then make sure your bags are packed before you leave the house in the morning. If it means sitting superstars in favor of call-ups then enjoy the press box hot dogs and watch how it's done.

No matter what, this needs to turn around and turn around FAST. Because I don't know how much longer JR is going to sit and wait before he starts selling you off for parts. You're playing on borrowed time fellas as each game that goes by makes the playoffs, heck even a .500 season, more and more of a pipe dream. Get your act together boys. NOW.

All tricks, no treats, for Canes' fans

In an effort to properly celebrate All Hallows Eve, the Canes decided to put on one of their scariest (as in oh my god are we really that bad?!) performances to date. Seriously y’all, M.Night Shyamalan would have said, “umm…maybe we should tone this down a touch.” Despite all of their meetings and “practices”, the Canes continue to look lost out there. In fact, if they hadn’t spent so much time falling over, I’d say their performance was more befitting this team (courtesy of Jenniwa30):
Now before I really get going into full-on rant mode, I should take time to acknowledge a few positive things. First off in non-game related news, a belated congrats goes out to Michael Leighton and his wife on the arrival of their newest mini-Hurricane. It’s now only a matter of time before we can set up a “dads vs. kids” tournament.

Positive thing #2-Brandon scored his first goal of the season today!!! I feel pretty safe in saying it was the highlight of the game. So way to go Butter-make it impossible for them to send you back to Albany. Now if I could just find a photo of the post goal celebration...well maybe the actual video will just have to do.


And that’s pretty much the end of the positive things. Well wait, hang on. Scotty had a good game. And Joni had some nice defensive moments. And Cam looked really nice while he chilled on the bench basking in his good fortune to not have to deal with the sucktastic game taking place out on the ice. And…yes that’s about it.

I feel that with what I am about to say, I need to make a declaration first. For the record, I really like Leights; he is ten times better than Crumbs was and he has the added bonus of not being nearly as creepy. Ok now that that’s been cleared up…

My god, man what was that? 6 goals against? I mean seriously, at least half of them were stoppable and you looked shaky on every save. Some of it was your team playing figure skater in front of you, some of it was rust, and some of it was distraction I am sure. But still, you have to admit, things did not go well for you this afternoon. In fact, maybe Philly just isn’t a place you should play; you don’t have a good track record there. Actually, I don’t anticipate you playing much of anywhere for quite some time. It’s not you, it’s…no now that I think about it, some of it was definitely you.

Now as for the rest of the team, they don’t get off scot free either. Boys, I understand this isn’t how you wanted to start the season and things are tough for you right now. But for the love of the hockey gods, PULL YOURSELVES TOGETHER!! Learn each others’ names and numbers, maybe spend some time together. You play like you’ve never even met each other before and that’s just unacceptable. You’re getting better, but at this rate, we’re going to need an 882 game season to get where we need to be. Please figure this whole thing out quickly no matter how you have to do it (yes hot tubs may need to be involved and you know what-fans won’t question things that bring about results). Because if you don’t, big changes are going to happen and you may wake up one morning to find that your BFF is now rocking another jersey. And no one wants to break up friendships, least of all JR.

Ok so what are the positives here? Well the month of October is officially over for the Hurricanes and if things go according to plan, they may be able to get a fresh start tomorrow. Players, and fans, can all just pretend that the season starts on November 1st and we can put this whole mess behind us. Doesn’t that sound good? Tomorrow marks the return of Ruu from his 3 game timeout. That, coupled with the return of Tim “I’m going to expletive deleted you up” Gleason, may not be enough to right the ship on its own, but it sure will make watching them lose less painful for the ladies in the house. But what may be most important to the direction of this hockey club is the return of E.Staal’s human security blanket. Binky…errr…I mean E.Cole may be the spark our franchise player needs to show up on a semi-regular basis and start earning that ridiculously large paycheck.

If the Canes are to even sniff the playoffs this season, changes need to be made; whether those come from the players themselves or from the man holding the reigns in the front office remains to be seen. All I know is that this cannot continue, if only for the sake of my emotional and mental health.